Day 669: Venus Did WHAT?

I fucking missed fucking Venus in fucking Retrograde

Fuck. I missed Venus in Retrograde. Shiiiiiiiiiiiit. No firey romance or sudden soulmate for me, then. No feet-sweeping or deep-connection-can't-believe-it-could-ever-be-so-right kind of click. Do I have to wait for the next one? I say again: fuck!  

There's still a part of me that holds out hope for that – that sudden knowing, that sense of ease, that 'this one's different' that I've seen so often happen to my friends. Or even just that 'and then at some point, it just seemed to make sense'. It doesn't always happen with a bang.
 

I'm stuck on the pouring chemistry lab cup (can't remember what they're called). Maybe all these years have been a gentle tipping, a settling of silt, a slow build and when the liquid scales the lip, the meniscus breaks and the force flows forth, it's on – there's no going back. There's no way to sense it from the bone-dry other side, where the wait is interminable and you just have to get on with something else.

Love shows itself in many different ways

And for all of those magical stories, there are those that aren't, or that were and are no longer, or that are just a kind of 'oh well, we're kind of in it now, so...'. 

Or kids. Are they a reason? Well, of course they are. There are so many romantic ideals out there that get in the way of sensing when love is present.

Always the cat in a veil, never the bride

And I forget that when I think that I'm in love (though so far, I've been wrong), it still feels heady, giddy, all a twitter with excitement and with possibility. It feels like playing does (and there's the thing... let's play, let's yes, let's create something together – when that's happening, the yearning for romantic love can wait; the well is filled and creativity, joy and co-creation take the yearning's place).

Current widsom, whatever that might mean, says to open and accept that it won't happen, and to make life make its sense without that kind of soulmate intimacy. 

Some say (Elizabeth Gilbert wrote an article) that soulmates are soulmates and lovers, husbands, wives don't need to be the same. And I have soulmates in my life, and that's no little thing – that fact, those people give me so much active joy I'm very grateful for. And children. There are so many, so many in need of love and nurture, so many being born in every second. There's no real need for more.

Would you like to go for a drink with me?

And still, with all the joy and all the gratitude, I'm bummed I've missed out on Venus. Sweetheart, I wish you'd knocked. I wish you'd given me a nudge and said 'come on, girl, get yourself on point, I'm all a flitter with my fire: I have a gift for you. Just come and get it'. Still, she's a goddess, that Venus. She doesn't do errands, especially not when she's in retrograde (firey, moody, fickle as they come). I'll keep them peeled next time. I'll put my alarm on LOUD.

Or perhaps I won't, and things will take their course. The cup will overflow, or then it won't. The mountains will still rise up and touch the sky. The hummingbirds will still plunge into flowers. Ripples will still ripple and dogs will still bark. And monsters will open up their hearts to warriors with swords, whatever may come of it.