Grateful: Day 9 - Playing

Playing is most certainly one of my favourite things, so today was very, very good. Brilliant, in fact.

I love going the pond and I also like lying in bed underneath my fat duvet. If I could do both at the same time, that's what I'd do every day. Not worked out how to do that yet, but as today was Mask Workshop day, I made the most of it and stayed bunched up under there until about quarter to eight.

And then preparations, a journey to The Calder Bookshop on The Cut and the workshop itself. I was evidently worried about the whole thing last night. I lay awake for an hour or so, thinking it must be 6 already, but when I finally looked at the clock it was 4.34.

But as soon as this morning started, I was giddy and happy and excited about the day and the play. When people started to arrive, all scaredy bits fell away and I was just excited to get on with it. It's always such an honour when there are so many talented, courageous and willing people in the room. And nice ones too. Really nice.

I love, love, love walking into a workshop and knowing we'll all have done something 'else', something that hasn't been done yet, by the end of the day. Between us, we'll create an experience, or a whole array of experiences and different takes on the same thing. And we'll have only been able to do it because of the presence of every person in the room (and out of the room, as in the case of today's rehearsing jazz band downstairs - what a gift!)

And so we played. The first forty minutes or an hour were just silly play that created lots of laughter. Games you'd play with children. Games teenagers would roll their eyes at but secretly love. Games you'd play if only you were allowed and you could find other people who wanted to play them too. And everyone there, from performers who live to be looked at to people who'd come along to see what it was about got right in there. And at some point at least, everybody laughed.

And then, as Will suggested, the mask work took care of itself. There are always great lists of things that I could have done differently, or that I'd try out another way next time, and even clumsy wrongnesses that I might wish I hadn't done, but all in all, it was good. When the day flows and ideas are left for you like mince pies at the bottom of a chimney, and when half a day has gone and it feels like you're only just getting started, it's so, so good. That's when you're doing what it's right for you to be doing.

Purpose - there's a good one. It's like you're fulfilling your purpose. It all feels right and flowy and pleasing. I often find myself jumping or clapping or squealing with glee in the middle of an exercise. I swear I'm not being 'bubbly' or intentionally 'high octane'. I'm just having a very nice time. And I'm so not cool.

I'm very grateful not to be cool. Someone cooled at me today, with a Big Fat Namedrop. I wanted to say 'Oh, no, Poppet, you've got the wrong end of the stick - there's no need to be cool here'. I opted not to. But it was on the tip of my lips for a moment.

Trance mask is quite the opposite of cool. It's a brave thing to do, I suppose, as it can expose you as sad or soft or vulnerable, more honest than you want to be, or possibly more full of glee. It lifts lids in kitchens that you've tried to keep secret and lets things leak out. Bubbling pots. Other people will see it. They won't judge you, though. They'll enjoy you.

I suppose we're back to the dogs and their wagging. A mask, when you let it find itself, does what's honest, however embarrassing that might be for anyone, person inside included. It's like authenticity with the need for courage taken away. All you need is the courage to put on the mask and 'give it some'. It's a leap into the unknown and a wide-armed welcoming in of failure as part of the process. I really love it. It rocks.

Workshop-wise, Will did an amazing job of framing things and doing good stuff, even when I didn't quite stick to what I'd promised. He knows his stuff, that Will one. And Sergio, the Argentinian Beckett expert in the bookshop, told me about his job teaching acting in a London prison. I was impressed and inspired. I want some.

And now, I'm grateful once again for a warm place to be and a good book to read.