Day 358: Iiiiiiiin Your Own Time

Among the things that have pleased me today is this: I watched a TED talk called 'The future of lying'. It's here, if you're interested:
http://www.ted.com/talks/jeff_hancock_3_types_of_digital_lies.html
I usually switch off after the talk and skip the advert, but I have some work to do that I'm avoiding like a total lam-o, so I let it run. It was about the power of small businesses. It was semi-poetic, not necessarily in a good way ("Main Street found its might again, and Main Street found its fight again... and we, the locals, found delight again" - said with vim, tempted to capitalise) and it was very tuned in to making it emotional, as in: "That's the power of all of us". More vim.

I watched all and bought in a bit more, despite the cheese, until right the end, when I discovered that the ad was for none other than cut-throat credit card cunts, American Express! I love to have a snort at their expense. American Express is the BANE of small businesses and puts many of them.. oooh... OUT OF BUSINESS. When I worked for them (French Complaints, straight after graduating - it made my face hurt in a bad way) they would do anything at all for anyone with a lot of money, but if you didn't have much, whether you were an individual cardholder or a small business, they would send an army of temps to screw you up the bum, film it and show it at your wedding. Fuckers!

I was really annoyed that such a soul-eater of a company should have got in there with an ad on TED. I was fuming... until, as it ended, I looked at the final tableau, the very last shot of the ad: the American Express logo sitting in the middle of the screen, under the title: The future of lying. Thank you, thank you, thank you, whoever sold them that slot. Thank you. You have done your job beautifully. I salute you.

RIDE that procrastinatey wave, bitch

Just so you get a picture, here are some of the things I did to put off getting down to doing this work - even reading the bloody materials to do it. Strap in. Some of them are embarrassing: I made a cup of tea; I went for a run; I thought about things; I made a cup of tea; I went to the toilet; I went for a run (now THAT is procrastination, where I'm concerned - that's usually a thing I put off until it's too late! - ah well... every cloud. I really enjoyed it, running up and down and up and down some steps in front of Alexandra Palace as fog closed in again and the whole sky tried to rain, but didn't quite. I ogled autumness. I watched leaves fall. I stretched. This is all part of the Run Procrastinate). 

I went to pick up a letter from my mum that I wasn't sure I really wanted to read; I hung out with Ruth for a bit - but that was particularly nice in itself as I haven't seen her for a few days, so not really valid on this list, and we laughed and looked at art stuff and a monkey, so that was nice. If any part of it is food for the list, then its timing might be; I had a cup of tea; I went to the supermarket (oh, that old chestnut, familiar beeps and smells, hoarding instinct, providing, comforting); I came home and unpacked; I cooked, though I wasn't hungry yet - a risotto - time-consuming; I made a cup of tea; I had a wee; I read the letter and enjoyed it; I found, and inflated, my roll-up Vango 'Trek Short' thermarest thingy; I lay on said thermarest "to see if it works" (it does); I made a cup of tea; I had a wee; I drank some water; guess what - another little wee; I rolled out wallpaper on the floor and wrote onto it things that feel like flow state, in the interest of inviting more of them into my daily life. 

Mr Auden

I read parts of the book, ordered ages ago, that came in the post - Gratefulness, the Heart of Prayer by Brother David Steindl-Rast - an old favourite of mine. I think I have a copy in someone's loft, but I felt it was time to dig in and read it again. Another thing that's lovely, and only really ever happens with second-hand books, is that it arrived, in pristine condition, with some of those tiny sellotapy post-its marking three favourite passages. I made the assumption they were favourites rather than 'Oh God, I HATE this bit' tags. I read them. The second made me cry. I'll paste it here (oh yes, back to the list, I typed it out). 

Brother

It's a poem that I wrote out by hand, in clumsy Italic script, for my Great Uncle Philip near the end of his life. He was very religious and liked to pray. I remember finding things I thought he'd like - prayers, poems, bits of text and other things - and writing them out all big. Then I put them in a book so he could read them. A very patient boyfriend hung out, a little bored, while I did it. We were in Yorkshire. It was pretty. I still have that book somewhere. It looks like a child's school project, but it was done with love. This is one of the passages I wrote out for Philip, straight from the other copy of this book: 

(I could…)

Find reasons fast enough

To face the sky and roar

In anger and despair

At what is going on,

Demanding that it name

Whoever is to blame:

The sky would only wait

Till all my breath was gone

And then reiterate

As if I wasn’t there

That singular command

I do not understand,

Bless what there is for being,

Which has to be obeyed, for

What else am I made for,

Agreeing or disagreeing?

From Precious Five by WH Auden

Thanks, Rob. You've got me into Colchin with its leggy stalks. Not for everything, not for the blog, but for this piece, fuck yeah! 

I had the pleasure and privilege of doing a coaching session today. I learnt a lot and I felt very lucky to be able to do it. I'm also grateful to Stephen Gilligan (fuck, this is starting to sound like an acceptance speech) for the things he taught me, and Sarah Sansom, my mum, Victoria 'Tiny Pikey' Sandison for all playing massive parts in helping me be there. Ooh, I wonder how she's doing. She must be in Melbourne by now. 

If I had a dog, we'd have done bitey hand

Back again to the list: I have searched for zafus, neti pots, white yoga pants and self-storage for my stuff; I have repeatedly checked an online dating site 'just in case'; I have looked through a load of old documents. I've had a cup of tea - no more wees as yet; I've read news articles I'm not interested in - one about someone who wasn't even supposed to be playing running on and stopping a goal from happening but the rules of the game meant... blah blah blahhh. If I can't sleep later, I might watch that again. I've shaken my fist at the media for doing the 'Dave Lee Travis/Savile enquiry' coup... when they know he hasn't been arrested for molesting children, but it'll get more readers if you have to dig into the article to find that out. I don't know what he may have done, but whatever it is, that's a cheap trick, media. Stop it. Stop it now. 

Progress?

I am grateful, now, that it is midnight. I'm going to bed to read my book. Goodnight.

PS - it's amazing how creative you can get when you're not doing facebook. Half of that resourcefulness focused on the work and I'd have it all wrapped up by now.