Day 362: Every Cloud

Can't beat a big dog in clothes

Saturday says: Grateful for the lovely women I spent the day with today, for the expert make-up job grace a the women in Benefit, very patient, very clear and for lovely dresses and a photo shoot that made me cry. 

Trusting that the changes in circumstances as far as living arrangements are good - even when they don't feel good, and that something wonderful is on the way. 


The Bridge. That too. 

Sunday is full of hope and softness, sensuality and the occasional cross face, and the beginnings of a very pleasing translation.

Monday, the endings of a pleasing translation, the alien birth of an article that ripped itself out through my chest, a couple of soul-sucking househunting experiences and a self-inflicted disappointment that I could be very cruel to myself about, only I'm leaning hard to steer another way - and getting splashed in the process. 

I no longer feel like this in a dress. Result!

Trying to find a home in London feels very painful this time. I am experiencing anxiety and groundlessness and not a little bit of fear, and underlying it is the knowledge that I have fantastic people in my life, a number of whom have said very clearly that they can help if I'm really stuck, and that there is a beautiful place out there for me, at a price I can easily afford, a space of my own where I can be totally at ease and frequently naked and more than anything, a place that feels really really really like my home, where I can root and ground and feel settled.

Thank you, Tanya, for being a sweet, suggesty, gorgeous wise woman on the phone. Aren't you great? And J, for being zumbastic (oh god, I'm ashamed of that) and Rob, as always - both solid and changeable, always discovering, learning, sharing.

Woop!

So - being mostly gentle with some shamely feelings and some stupid ones and a bit of being sad and feeling a little blessed, a little glum and very tired.

The silver lining - GLUM LADY GETS TO COME BACK!