Day 564: Doing It Like Titanic

Not THIS Titanic

'At the moment' feels HARD. And then I remember moments when I've written this blog, thankfully relatively long ago now, when I had to search with every fibre of myself that was still able to find the little things to remember gratitude for, when I was worried for my own balance and when the cold, sodden blanket of depression had wrapped itself around me. Gratitude helped me shrug it off then, even if little by little. 

Now is better than that. I'm experiencing intense discomfort and insecurity because of what's happening - it's sitting in my chest constantly, heavy and cold like lead, and stirring up in my belly. 

This one, only grumpier

However, in myself, I'm good. I still get to go clowning and enjoy the people there. I still get to do work that I love and get paid for things that other people marvel at (even though by dint of repetition, they sometimes feel less magical to me). And I get to learn to love the version of me that's fractious and harsh and terribly demanding - it's all very well professing love and acceptance when she's only in the background, but when she's doing a Titanic on my very bow, that's when it's time to practise. Good stuff.