Grateful: Day 32

Phoo, it's late. What a lovely day I've had.

A cold, cold, early swim. It took me a lap of actually feeling cold on my torso before invincibility set in (apart from in the hands, of course - they were still good). Lap 2 was fine. Lovely. Feet nearly fell off, but the rest of me was fabulous.

I have been as useful as a severed arse today. I've managed to do nothing much at all, which is a bit dim because I have lots to do. Tomorrow, I will be a ninja. Starting in a minute, I will. Now. I'm a ninja. From now.

I remembered today how much I love my bike. How do the lazy cells get in the way. As soon as I'm moving on it, I'm so happy. It feels so very nice and good. I'd like to stop carrying as much weight on my back when I'm riding... my shoulders are very sore and tense. I'll think about that. But as a general thing, it's fabulous. Brilliant. Lovely. Wheeling along. Uphill better than downhill, at least most of the time. The bike and the teeth. I'd be in heaven.

The fake teeth make me very happy. I tried them out at The Hub today. Only on one person, but she did a proper cartoon jump/double take. Then I went into the toilets and laughed at my own face with the teeth in for a moment. That was probably the most productive few minutes of my day.

I looked into buying a new phone. I'm SO bored of not having a phone I can rely on (though today's lack of reliability was entirely battery-related - meaning it was me, not the phone). But the phones were all more expensive than advertised, and a little bit shit. I'll wait.

I had the pleasure of a long phone call with my hugely valued and beloved friend, J, with her little boy squealing in the background, mostly in delight (he was splashing himself with water and letting out little joy squeaks), occasionally in frustration. I don't speak to J anywhere near as often as I'd like to. She's somebody I love and admire. She rocks.

Another person I love and admire is Ruth. I went to the private view of the Highgate Watercolour Group's exhibition at Lauderdale House - it's on for the next couple of weeks. I think her work stands out and I love it. It's very varied and very skillful, and there's always lots of vitality and love in her paintings. I felt very proud of her.

I also got to meet some of Ruth's friends, beautiful Chris, all high cheekbones and soft skin and smiles. She is a Ramblers contact and a friend. We walked around the exhibition looking for good faces. Actually, she'd spotted a man with straggly facial hair that she really thought I should see. We spent about 20 minutes looking for him. He was worth it!

I also met David and Nigel, lovely people. David, artist, lean and healthy-looking and full of laughter. Nigel. Just lovely. Used to be a cameraman. He hinted at his age and I didn't say 'you look a good 15 years younger than that'... why not? It was so true. He really did. His love and care for David were tangible. I liked them both very much. I hope they'll come and visit me in Berlin. They promised they would.

I love the people I come into contact with through Ruth, and I love how much they love and respect her. It's visible. It gives me joy. I'm proud of her and I'm happy to be part of her life and her family.

I found myself thinking a lot about other family relationships - some of them very difficult. I need to do something and I don't know what, but I do know there's some mirroring going on and that until I become braver and more open, I can't expect that of anyone else.

Right now, it's time to sleep. The best solutions are offered up then. Possibly in the shape of a snake with breasts or a talking pansy, but whatever the form, I'm sure I know what to do really.

Thank you for the swathes of smilers today, and for all those artists, for dog loveliness and for all the rich and flowy people I get to exchange with every day. Tomorrow, perhaps I shall be all philosophical and erudite. Today, sleep.