I can’t believe I forgot to mention yesterday’s moon. It humbled me. It was a sharp sliver in the sky, big between branches, low over Walpole Park, and bright. It must only have been 5pm. It made me stop.
It was nothing at all like this moon here. Not even a little bit. It's pretty, though, isn't it, this one?
Someone held the bus for me this morning. He was a tall man, smart, gaunt. He had a face like a haunted person in a play. He held it by dithering a bit in the doorway, so the driver wouldn’t catch on and go. Thank you, man. I said thank you, and he smiled, but he didn’t seem to want a connection in the eyes…
It was a lovely thing, in the first place, that I should wander out of the house and up the hill to find a bus pretty much there. And then, getting off, a man with long tied-back hair stepped back to let me get off before him. He smiled more with eyes. Thank you as well, second man. How nice.
My bike is still locked to a lamp post in Acton, refusing to be unlocked. Do you think I could get the Police to bolt-cut it free? I wonder if I can prove it’s mine. I used to have it insured. There’ll be an email somewhere.
So I walked the rest of the way. I was bounded towards by two golden Labradors, wide-set and smiling like middle-aged men. One was a bit lopey and awfully getty uppy. I didn’t mind, of course. Their owner, also a middle-aged man, was less warm, but even if he’d been lovely, I probably wouldn’t have petted him.
I walked, then, from Highgate tube over to the pond and got there 15 minutes too early. The last thing you want to do is stand around getting cold before you go in, so I went for a heath yomp. It was beautiful. All the grass was sheathed in white and there was mist on the fishing pond. Two shags going for a dive. They were under for ages. I didn’t wait. I trusted they’d come back.
I have to confess, I was scared as I padded towards the steps in my bare feet. It’s become a ritual, though. However cold, whatever the sensation, I carry on down the steps. There’s more than one lady that just dives in. Not me. Just a gentle walk down the steps, as if nothing had changed.
It wasn’t bad. I’m not saying it wasn’t cold, but it was very nice. The mist was atmospheric and I couldn’t stop smiling, all the way round. My arms and legs prickled. My toes complained, then disappeared. I didn’t dunk my head.
Maybe because it was so cold, the ladies were giddy. In the changing rooms, there was lots of loud talking and laughter. A politeness dance about who would put their feet in a washing up bowl of warm water to thaw their toes led to calls of ‘both of you get in’, so they did. Clinging to each other or the sink, I don’t recall, they managed it. There were lots of shouts about Calendar Girls.
And then, the weirdest thing, someone came in with a camera. Bearing in mind that most of us were naked or at the most half dressed, one way or the other, the fact that nobody flinched when she asked, and then just started, to take photos. We all just carried on. The ladies got back in the bowl, briefly, for a snap, and after that, just normal. It’s funny how comfortable we all seem to feel. Maybe they’ll turn up on facebook, but whatever happens, the ladies will keep on.
I miss Ruth at the pond, but I get to see her here. That’s lovely too, and warmer, in a different way.
Once again, I was beaming by the time I walked across the heath. Radiating good post-pond vibes. I worked non-stop from 8.30 till almost 4, then moved to a café nearer to my yoga class and carried on. Didn’t manage to send stuff. I must log on early and do that. Oh yes. Sorry, Paul. The work IS on its way.
I have been well tearful again today. Not sure why. One small girl set me off, just by being. There was something so open-faced and natural about her. And all of a sudden, there were tears.
I pulled a good few faces at a good few children on my stint. By the afternoon, the place was so full of children, a bunch of them screaming, that I had to leave. I needed to walk anyway. That’s a long time to be sitting in one chair (well, almost – I swapped chairs with someone with a shorter lead – but you know what I mean.
There’s a gratitude rut I wanted to think about. Shall we do that tomorrow? Shall we? That’d be nice. And there’s the yoga class… oh, the yoga class. I suspect I’d better keep most of that to myself. I feel slightly inappropriate. I just want to make it clear that I’m getting a lot out of the yoga itself and I love that it’s all about energy.
I smile a lot in that class – I’d say half of it is because this stuff just seems to make sense in my body and my mind. I love what’s being said. The other half is the lovely delivery/deliverer. Such good energy. Calm, strong, present, human.
May the powers of juice make eveything alright tomorrow. Just fine.
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