Would you think me a fool if I said I actually really enjoyed doing my tax return? Would you? I feel a bit foolish. It was quite soothing to be doing it. Why did I stretch the pain out for so very long? I shall take the advice of wise Catherine Semark. I'm already keeping records of my daily expenses. Now what I need is receipts, a stapler and a concertina file (I can do all that) and we'll be laughing. I am SO grateful that it has been done, that it has been paid and that it wasn't quite the terrible sting I thought it would be. I feel released, if a little lost. I am more at peace.
This morning, I stepped into the water as a lady was stepping out, so for most of my swim, the pond was mine alone. I decided to swim the other way round it today. It's so easy to get into habits. There's a particular view that I love, when I'm on the home strait, of three leggy trees with dangling bits (not leaves, it's something else). The sun sits behind them, so if there's light to be had, it comes from somewhere over there. But I don't need that same view every single day, do I? So I did something else - and what a reward.
As I swam towards the hill, where you see runners and dog-walkers, the sun must have come out from behind a cloud. As I watched, the light on the water, the hill, those trees, got brighter and warmer, more and more intense. It was a bit trippy, really. I could see this scene transforming in front of my eyes and becoming something so special. I felt like I was having a little epiphany in my eyes. Had I been pondering a life question at that moment, and received that in answer, I would have been assured of the presence of the divine.
I kind of was anyway, in the shape I see it in. That divine energy that makes and shapes things. That flow that lifts you on and gives you what you need (whether or not it's always what you want).
Thank you, then, for a dose of Catherine, full of wisdom and humour, just when I needed it. These terribly specific twinges of melancholy that have been around, prodding at me, for a few weeks now - they're only minimal on the Richter scale of such things, but they are there - Catherine is a beautiful remedy to that.
We sat and talked, and then we walked. First, down the old railway track - The Parkland's Way - (my suggestion). Only it was already six o'clock and absolutely unlit. Too scary. Beautiful, beautiful view from down the back, but too much. Then she took me on a tour of many streets - Grand Avenue, Eastern, Western, many more. We looked at the many stained glass panels in the doors of Muswell Hill houses.
There's a beautiful standard pattern, lots of roundels, lots of greens. I liked it very much. It's simple and balanced and very pleasing indeed. She also showed me the house of martyrs, down the end of one street: what looked like a council house with a memorial gate, tall and painted black. It had a weird energy coming of it, and lots of steam coming out of its pipe. I'm not sure I liked it, but I very much liked seeing it.
Bonus of tonight - a link from Rob Grundel (you legend!) to a clowning workshop with Dr Brown. Oh, I think so. I think so very much. Oh yes.
I'm flushed with gratitude that I'm nearly done with the blog, and soon can sleep. The pond opens earlier and earlier. It'll be open at 7.40 tomorrow. I've been a sluggish girl and I keep just missing the proper dawn. I lay in bed this morning dreaming about helping out two girls, a smaller one and a teen, who were possessed by a voice that told them terrible things, threatened them, told them all the things they couldn't do.
I told them it was not real, it was just a voice inside their head, that it had no power. I could hear it too, but even the little flicks of fear were brief. They dissolved. You can do it, I told those girls. Don't listen to that voice. It has no power unless you give it some. Hmmmm.
And then boof! it was already half past seven! How time flies!
Tomorrow, I have the pleasure of prepping and packing, both. Possibly playing too, if I can. And to that end, this very second, sleep.
(ha ha ... I have just saved all the pictures shown here into this year's tax return folder. Nice.)
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