Day 382: Pickle

That's a dangerous pickle.

Ha... today is one of those days when it's a challenge to be really honest, because there's an experience going on that's not all that smooth. This is where the practice comes in. This is where remembering gratitude is even more important than when everything is in giddy full flow. 

Shite cartoon pickle.
Not dangerous at all.

I've made a few choices that have meant that I'm in a tiny bit of a pickle today, or so it seems. It's not a dangerous pickle (oh, picture search, picture search!). I'm grateful for all kinds of things about it. 

I'm also very aware that I am the chooser of all these situations I find myself in and I invite the kinds of experiences I need. Simply that knowledge is a salve to any experience. Not in a blamey 'I caused this' way, but in a 'What is it that can be of use from this? Why do I need to have this experience? What is it I need to learn?' Pain is a great motivator for me. When things are uncomfortable, I do take action to move away from the pain and into somewhere bigger and more helpful. 

Dangerous Pickle. Brilliant!
Given half a chance, he will bite off your face.

Possibly not so great that I seem to get restless when things are too settled. I want more. I want 'other'. I want to learn. And then we're often back to some discomfort again, while I find out, with my inefficient method, what it is that I do want. 

It's often what we think about a situation that causes the discomfort. How we think it ought to be compared to how it is. It's easy to forget what steps we took to get where we are and how glad we are to be there. 

Am I glad that I no longer have a full time job that I know is not my calling? Yes, very glad indeed. Isn't it fantastic to have the level of flexibility that I have? It is. Is it refreshing to be honest with people even when it doesn't always get you what you want? It really is, yes. Don't get me wrong - there are situations where I'm not brave enough to be truly honest, possibly for fear of getting what I want, and there are others where I'm very brave indeed (like a monster-fighter) and very clear. 

Ah, fear. Fear's a big thing, isn't it? One of the things the lady said was to do with that. She told me I didn't need to have any and that I'd always be looked after. I choose to believe her. It's one of those minute-by-minute choices, so you just need to remind yourself from time to time what's going on and how, in reality, in this moment right now, there's nothing to be afraid of. 

When you make decisions based on the fear of what might happen, on that heady rollercoaster of ifs and maybes and thens that build themselves like towers in your head, then you can be sure that you're not in the present and that you're not doing yourself justice. What's happening now? What can I do right now? Am I breathing? Sometimes, the answer to that question is no, I'm not. Breathing always helps. 

I'm thankful to have good, inspiring people in my life. I'm thankful to be surrounded by people who go after what they want and who have a plan.