Grateful: Day 94 - Dominant Dog

I realise it's been 94 days. Easy to realise, what with the number at the top of the page and that. I'm grateful that I can change my mind and change my plans. In six days, I will reach my hundredth day of gratitude, and I will give thanks. And then I'll carry on.

For years and years, it's been my intention to write every day, and I had never achieved it. It aways seemed like work. This feels like play. Whatever else is going on, writing this has never once felt like a chore. Once it starts, once it's switched on, it no longer matters what I'd planned or what I wanted to say. What wants to come, comes out. I'm present, I'm doing the writing, and I have the choice to say 'not that today' or 'oooh, this!' but whether or not it's 'right' or 'good' doesn't enter into it (not while I'm writing, anyway).

So I'll carry on. 365 days of gratitude. 366? 1000 days of gratitude. If gratitude became a focus for the rest of my life, it wouldn't be a bad thing, would it? And whatever I choose now changes, develops, becomes something new.

I didn't swim this morning. I woke to see the frost thick on the rooftops and my body ached to find that cleansing water and be with it for a little while. I had fantasies of tinkling ice, tinkling away without me. I missed it with my mind and with my body. I have to confess to feeling a little bit grumpy, and to failing to keep that in for at least the first part of the morning. Ah well. No need to beat myself up. It's time to move on and hope I don't feel the need too soon again.

Isn't Anna Levy lovely? She really is. She's very special. She has such a gift to make people feel wonderful. I admire that in her, very much. The connections she makes. I suspect that if she wanted to, she could get hundreds of people doing stuff for her for free, just because she's been lovely to them and made each one of them feel valued.

She's also an avid swing dancer. This looks like a lot of work, but a massive lot of fun too. Hooray!

I felt I was only marginally of use during my hosting day today. I filled a couple of heaters, took the compost and the laundry (to separate places), wrote a couple of emails and made a few pots of tea. And again, I'm glad that so much of the work I do delights me. So much.

Another unsolicited offer of work today. No, two! So very thankful. One to teach impro. I am SO grateful for that, because it is what I love. We were going to be running a workshop today, but it didn't happen. Next week, it's on. But we need to find a venue we can use, as our regular one is not available. Strap in for Tue 31st. We're on! And now I get to cover a class next Thursday.

Telling, then, that I'm more excited about this than about the chance to possibly do a short session in Africa in February. Well! I would LOVE to go to Africa. I think I'd rather go to Africa to run workshops that are going to make people really laugh and forget themselves than the ones that are going to educate them.

Yes to everything once. No to a second round if it doesn't please me. Yes to the next thing. I am so very, very, very full of gratitude to have all this energy of work and adventure flowing in and through and around me. I don't take it for granted. I embrace it, and I know things will work out beautifully, but it's new and valued every time. Brilliant. And thank you to the wonderful Justin, who keeps on putting me forward for work. It's very kind of him indeed.

I'm delighted to hear that my brilliant cousin/step-brother Lawrence has started a blog too (http://elorens.blogspot.com/). It's about philosophy and it's really meaty. He is a very clever man, that Lawrence. And it's looping the loop too. I was inspired to write by my sister (Sarah Thomasin, aka Our Face). Now Lawrence has got the bug from me. What next? Who next? All I can say is Blog! Write about what you're passionate about, about what interests you. That's enough.

I've been philosophical myself, about all kinds of things, today. I have meat in my head. It's not quite fully formed yet. I may be on a cusp. I may not. Let's assume I am. I love it when things change and I think I am ready for a good old set of changes on some fronts. And on discovering what they will be. At the moment, I have to accept that I'm a dominant dog. It comes out when I don't want it to. A lot of females are dominant in the dog world. And when they don't get listened to, they make themselves understood. I don't want to always be only that, but it has to be okay some of the time. It's a dance, isn't it? It is.

Tomorrow, please, I'd like a dog fix. I said hello to a nice muscular beast owned by Sarah, who sits outside Sainsbury's in Muswell Hill. The dog eats bananas, but I've forgotten its name. That was a few days ago, though. When I last went to the pond, I saw two familiar Dobermann dogs (and their owner). Only from afar, but they pleased me. And Viszlas must be on the up - they're everywhere. But I'd like a really good fix of dogness sometime tomorrow, please.

I am grateful for my bed, as always, and for maté tea, and for Rob Grundel, who is back in the country and still bursting with ideas. For an email from Juliet Merridew - I've been thinking about her. And for one I'm about to send to Sarah Lonton - she's been popping into my head an awful lot. And for an evening at home tonight, against the plan. I am so very grateful for that.

I am looking forward to swimming on Saturday - my next opportunity. I can hardly wait!