Day 175 - We Like The Moon

A moon so white and full, it makes me humble. That's what I've seen just now, breaking up clouds with its brightness. It's nearly midnight. I'm nearly in bed. There's a party going on that I wish I was up for, but I'm not. I'm not sure why. It's full of people I like, but I just feel myself shutting down in that kind of situation Really not that useful. But here's the thing: I can. I can do what suits me best and the decision I have made is to come back to my room, write this blog and go to sleep. I have appalling FOMO, but that's what I'm doing. I'm grateful for the choice, whether or not I'm at one with feeling it's the 'right' choice. 


This morning started with a swim in the North Sea, almost. Well, a little bit of it in a bay off of a top bit of Denmark. The water was cold. The wind was colder. There was snow in the air, blowing at our bodies. The wind was strong enough to steal clothes, so we clipped my backpack to a metal post and stuffed our clothes into it. Even then, we lost gloves in the water (retrieved). My hands hurt in the water, but not my feet. I felt very glad I went, and glad for the half hour or so of stretching and warming done just before. I still miss my regular yoga class and style, but that decision's made, at least for now. I'm not going back. 


Today, all my love of contact and touching was fulfilled tenfold. Pretty much everything we did involved touching, rolling, being part of a pile. I was dragged along the floor by my feet, rolled around on top of someone in a wheelchair, massaged and stroked. I laughed even more than yesterday and played mostly brand new games. I gave massages, helped throw someone up and down and lift another high into the air. I taught a mask to write his name (and 'dog', and 'boy') and I got punched (in a safe way) by a hitty mask. I saw some contact improv that was truly beautiful and wonderful to watch, danced to a tango. I felt a tiny bit envious, but mostly well impressed. I spent time with people that I like very much. It doesn't seem right to mention them by name when this stuff we do is for us, not for show, so I shan't, but you know. 


Thank you, Mr W, for the book tip (In Defence of Dogs). Sounds like a self-help book for the me that was on yesterday, or another prod towards getting me a dog, a partner with a dog, a house with a dog or just a bit of regular dog action. It has to happen. I have to make it happen. I have dogsucht. I need my fix.


This evening, I saw a MASSIVE hare. Big like a Staffie (well, almost). Like a Spaniel, then, but not one of the tiny ones. I did dog panting at a dog today as I went past on a bike. It seemed fascinating and a bit comey withy so I stopped. May it come with me into my dreams and entertain me with its wide-eyed wagging. I'm ready.


Oh, and yes... try this:  http://www.rathergood.com/moon_song


and if you didn't last time: www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Uee_mcxvrw