Day 205: Yearning #5 - Gratitude Cheat

Ambreen's latest joke. Erin is a right cock.

I still yearn for focus; I want to know what it is I want to do more than anything, and what I can do to make it happen. One thing to say: I'm enjoying playing every day more than I can possibly say. I love the dynamic we're building, me and Jerry and the characters we play. What I love is that the characters stay the same people but every day, we build on whatever we're given by the people in the room. So far, it's never felt tired. It's always fresh and interesting and some of it new, and the bits that are not new seem to be growing into themselves. I'm loving it and I'm finding out new things all the time.


I've just had the best call with Rob. Gutted to have missed his show last night - it sounded like one not to have missed - but this evening's chat made up for all of that. Idea pie again, and bouncing back and forth. I'm lucky to have this man as a business partner (my fingers really want to type 'panther') and to get to collaborate on ideas. I'm excited about what we can do and I can't believe we're lucky enough to be doing it. It's not just luck. Rob has done  lots of work and good asking to make these opportunities happen. I wish I had his drive sometimes. I don't, though. I have mine. 

Sleep tight.

I'm grateful to the man downstairs, who I think may be from Romania, who has allowed me to use the cable internet for an hour in return for buying a cup of tea. The wifi wasn't working. I really needed to make this call to Rob and he was all busy saying no, so I asked. Yes, he said, reluctantly, but then he did it. I will nip downstairs and thank him in a moment, and I'll post this blog now and continue it for tomorrow, so it goes up before the click goes off.


Tonight I yearn for more of these opportunities to have ideas and play with people. I love it. And I yearn to do more and better and bigger acting jobs, ones which involve playing all day every day again. It's not about the content of the play/film/piece. It's about the process. And writing too. I'm running out of time. I want to write. Fuck. Meta! I AM writing, feeling panic in my belly because I'm running out of time, when I'm creating this situation in its entirety (in and of itself, as J would say with her tongue rammed in her cheek).