Insecurity tap. I love that game. Rob's suggestion. Before you do a workshop or a set of scenes, say out loud the things you're afraid of: not being good enough; looking like a twat; annoying people; fucking up the scenes; being outed as a massive fraud; letting people down; letting yourself down (cue that very long joke, which I think is actually worth it). I wish I'd done that today. It would have saved energy and made the whole thing more worthwhile. I found myself a little crippled by fear today. Annoying. I was on the first day of a very good workshop. It really is a treat. There are LOVELY people there too. Nobody who's going to treat me like a twat (not intentionally, anyway). As one of the workshop leaders said in the pub 'Nobody really cares about anyone else'. By which she meant that the harshest judgements are what we project - we think they're coming from others when they're not. They're coming from our own fears. Most people don't have the energy to do both and if they're NOT judging themselves (thus leaving them with a bit more energy to spare) they're usually not judging you either. Projection etc. And we're back.
I liked chatting more with Luke. A man full of revelations and general good stuff. Ace. And as always, it's such a treat to play. I was wasted when I got home, though - a combination of a very early riser this morning (about 3am, by my watch - my housemate is suffering from some pretty harsh insomnia at the moment) and an alarm clock that went off next door at sixish, plus lots of playing and concentrating. So much so that I was only marginally able to speak with any sense at all.
I wanted to write down the things that I'd learnt, but I shan't, I think. I shan't. I shall dream it all instead, and tomorrow, there will be a castle. Ramparts and everything. Even a moat. Cue mist.
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