Day 520: Soulfed

Best. Buddha. Evah.

Today was filled with singing, good people, and joy.

At the Dome's Soulful Singing session, we sang the song that makes me cry every time. I don't know its name as such, but the words are 'Maybe I was born to hold you in these arms'. It's beautiful and I always well up singing it. There are a few like that. The problem with that one is that when I'm away from it, I seem to be unable to retain the melody properly. It doesn't matter. I'll have to go back.

This is what she looked like when I was
doing fart-hand.

Delicious Miriam, Nick and Lila came to sing. No babies allowed, apparently, but they stayed in for a while. It totally make sense not to have kids in there, but I have to confess that I was delighted that they didn't heed that. The were all delightful. Lila all giggly and curious. She has a fantastic laugh. She cried when her mother first gave her to me to hold, but once we'd established a game of me gobbling up her little hands or blowing raspberries on her palms, she seemed to feel that a bit of hip-sitting was okay. 

I realise that I am broody as all shit. Given that there is no pragmatic outlet for that right now, and possibly never will be, I think it's just fine to pay lots of attention to babies and let that nurturing happen with other people's children. Whether or not I have my own, that is always available to me. And what fun! I am so entertained by entertaining a child.  The version of me that has a dog and a toddler is blissfully happy in one set of ways. Other versions of me who have all kinds of other things are blissfully happy on other planes. It's all good. The version of me that is right now is between a number of stools. Happy, yes, often, but the bliss is elusive. There's only me that can make that different. Let's get to work on that, then. Now.

Ride that mofo - because you can - because you have to

On that note, I felt a bit lost and lonely after singing. Off they all went to rehearse. I would have loved to have been joining them and singing for longer, preparing for a performance.. all of that. And hanging out with nice people, becoming part of a community. I haven't been here long and I'm just starting to build some delicious connections. Shame that I seem to be about to be away from here for a while. And it's normal - I'm in an new (new/old, but new nevertheless) town with no structured job and no other reason for community. It's totally normal that it takes a while to shape a community, especially when you're out of town a lot. It takes time, energy, effort and lots of those occasions when you think 'I haven't got the energy for this' and then you find out, by doing it, that you had. 


Oh.. I mashed my bike again... my faithful old friend. The derailleur came off as I changed gears uphill and went into the back wheel. This has happened before and was shoddily replaced by someone in Acton. I think the bike is dead - to me anyway. To someone who gets pleasure from building monster bikes from old ones, it'd be lovely. I'm sad, of course. I'm entirely bereft without a bike. I can't really function. I love it. I don't want to afford a new one. It's not in my plan. However, buying a bike is one of my favourite things in the world, ever, and it's not often you get to do it. It's not often you need to. So if that is what is to happen, I'm going to revel in it. Need to have that sorted by Wednesday at the latest. Hmmm.

My bike is one of these (a ridgeback)
and just as regal

The workshop was rich and warm and wonderful this morning. I bumped into Andrew Cain, who sings there only we haven't crossed over before. He was very warm and welcoming and it was good to see him. He was performing tonight, which leads me to my next little bit of joy: the Winter Sacred Concert. With J! J is my Friend From University (I have one friend from my university - J - and one friend from the other university, but who I lived with  - Jochen. I may not have many, but god, I chose well!). J came with me to see the concert. We walked down, which meant time to chat and fresh air and breeze. 

A thing of beauty

The concert was very tasty indeed, and spiritual, full of sweetness and harmony, listeny, smooth, human and gorgeous. The Buddha there was a joy to look at... all turquoises and oranges mixed. Fabulous. There were some beautiful faces that I enjoyed looking at very much and some voices that made me want to sing. I did sing, but only when invited. I mouthed all of them and sang along in my head, but if all of us who had been to the workshops had actually sung, I reckon we could have collectively sloppied up their performance. We didn't... I think anyone singing along was doing so silently or very quietly indeed. It was so beautiful. Lots of songs I did know and one or two I didn't. The last mantra blew me away and blew itself right into the very cells of me. Thank you, Soulful Singers and Mahasukha. 

Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese

J said insightful things about the singers and the set-up and she enjoyed it. She also flipped me the finger just before it started, which really made me laugh, in (and out of) context. Afterwards, we got to walk home together too. That's such a big bonus. 

I love Brighton. Nuff Said.