Day 532: Lean On Me

Oh, today, you were really quite something. I cherished you. It was full of my last day at Crisis and an unexpected and very valued hot chocolate in the National Galllery Cafe with Ruth. Wonderful!

I blushed this morning. A rather attractive gentleman was visible on the train. I may have been caught looking, or vice versa, and then I got embarrassed. Getting off, I walked past  the window he was in and we looked/smiled... as I realised that I'd gone the wrong way, down the platform, away from the exit, so I had to turn around, in full view, and walk back past again. THAT's when I blushed. Silly really. I'm unlikely to ever see that man again, and even if I did, that'd be a bonus, not a thing of real shame... but the embarrassment switch is easily flicked, even if I did quite enjoy the whole thing.

Sign-painting felt different today. I decided to do whatever was to be done and to be at one with that. And I'd promised to sing. I had a think about it and I had some notes with me (sung ones and written ones). We advertised. We talked to people. 4pm came and only two volunteers had turned up. I tried teaching them thuma mina, but they were pretty non-plussed at it being unfamiliar, so we tried 'Lean On Me' instead. That brought us two people - one who'd promised to come and one, a deeply religious woman, who said she'd come only if we sang gospel. Lean on me is delicious in that I don't think it is gospel, but it could easily be. Everyone was happy. 

Lovely lady taught us a gospel song; the other man didn't want to sing it BECAUSE it was gospel. That defined it, then. I downloaded all kinds of song lyrics onto my phone, and Jay printed some out for us and we sang. I found, once again, that I don't seem to be able to sing Wonderful World without crying. Would have been harder if I'd been leading the melody. We sang lots of songs - that, You Are My Sunshine, Amazing Grace, My Way and more. We only just managed harmonies and I don't think we sang very well, but we sang together and really enjoyed it. It was by no means a very skilful bit of facilitation or a very precise bit of musicality, but it was a joy. Lovely lady (let's call her Sally - not her name, in fact) was glowing and the man had a lovely strong voice. There's a joy in together-singing that has nothing to do with quality. There's a joy in it that does, too - the pleasure of sound measuring well against itself - but there's love in it whether it sounds good or not. 


I say love, Sally says God. I think we're talking about the same thing. She feels more strongly about the wording. After everyone else had gone, we sang with and to each other, learning new songs and enjoying not only the other's voice, but the message and carriage of each song. It was quite transcendental! Thanks, once again, to Mahasukha, whose songs were with me all the way. We managed In These Arms and were both moved by Bright Morning Stars. We didn't even manage to sing harmonies of those together, but we did share them, and a fine gospel song or two, sung with such passion. Fantastic!

That prompted the man with a voice like port and sticky, dark molasses (let's call him Velvet)  joined us and sang a few, and a gentleman I've been stalking (kind of with his permission) since we first chatted a few days ago, came to say hello. We all went downstairs, where the guitarist from the Stone Roses was playing for everyone. He wanted singers and backing singers... so that was us. Velvet sang No Woman No Cry and Redemption Song. And we went up to join in. Sally - meek and mild, not one to perform, came up with me. We danced in unison and sang into the mic together. It was fabulous.

makes you (in)vincible

I sang badly and 'jammed' with a kind of schoolish precision... no soul as such, but some okay harmonies behind the tunes. I'm really, really proud. I did something that was visibly, evidently and blatantly not perfect in front of a great big crowd of people and I enjoyed it. I enjoyed the connection with Sally in particular and I actually really loved the backing vocally jam. 

I would love to be there tomorrow, but I shan't go. I will stick to my plan, go home and start my tax return, and see lovely J Loudon, I hope. I am full of warmth and love, though; I've really enjoyed being able to walk around that centre and look people in the eye, every person, and smile at them; to be in a place where I get to have conversations with anyone who's willing. I am grateful for the politeness of most who declined offers of activities and things to do, and for the willingness of those who came. I'm delighted by the volunteers and the way we all worked today and I'm all fired up by the loveliness. Part of me thinks that I ought to stop looking and smiling as I have been, but I think it's better just to carry on. I enjoyed that whole experience so much - I am so filled up by it.

Oh my god! If this is what I get to do again next year, I think I might just be looking forward to Christmas!