I don't want this blog to turn me into a hypocrite. I have to be honest. I'm struggling.
The situation that's happening, to do with work, is getting me down quite fundamentally. I feel bad in my bones, a little scared, and somewhat full of shame.
But I loved the way my towel hung from the back of the door today. It made beautiful shapes, all oranges and blacks. I can keep looking at that.
Thank you for a lovely email from Ruth, and contact with a couple of friends.
I have a place to sleep, food, and the faith that this will not always feel this way.
Isn't it funny how the universe gives you what you need to experience. Not for nothing, then, that everyone I worked with today was in a relationship, and that much of the day was spent discussing happy lovers' plans and 'how we met'. It's so easy to forget that not everyone is feeling loved today. Some people are unhappy. Others are lonely. That' doesn't make me happier, but hopefully will persuade me that feeling unique and isolated is, if nothing else, misguided.
Tomorrow, I can go to the pond. I look forward to its cold kiss and sense of reality flooding back. And to its beauty.
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