Day 301: Senor Jjjjamster

Wow. Three hundred and one. That's quite a lot - enough to merit the revival of the moustachioed hamster. I'll do this for a year (365 - but just over an actual year) and then maybe I'll rethink again. I might even take an enforced break and see which seams things burst through instead. Yes... maybe that. Either way, I have another whole 64 days to decide, which is more than half of what I originally planned to do in the first place.

Last day of our job today. Two of our characters had a moment - in the last scene. It was almost tender. Jerry was On Fire. Very funny indeed. He really gave them their money's worth. It was like being part of the last episode of a soap, but before the cheesy spin-off. It was brilliant. I loved it. It was weird to say goodbye. This has been fun and I've had quite an experience - totally separate from the job - during its duration. I could write 'I've been on a journey' but if I did and Jerry read it, he would find me and kill me in my face. And even without that, I might choose not to write those words. You never know. I have had quite a summer, though. Quite a year, really. So far. 

There was a fairly harsh spot near the beginning of the year - being sacked from an assignment and really disappointed by the reaction of the company involved; not having any work for a while. I was pretty low for a while and even though this blog kept me focusing on the good things, I struggled for a while. And then work started to pick up and other things too. And then there was The Challenge - which did what it promised - and Australia - say what you like about Tony Robbins - working with him works for me. It really does. 

So, since I've been back I've been playing with all sorts of things, especially the feeling of being more feminine. It's not totally new, but I do feel differently and the reactions of people around me are noticeably different too. Jerry gave me the kind of backhander that could break your neck with its force, but that's what it was about - me being a bit gentler and less blokey - and that in itself is very nice to hear. I feel different too. Not just in that way - in lots. I'm excited by so many of the things that are happening. I'm almost too excited. 

Oh, oh, oh, and for two days I’ve failed to mention the pond. It is so, so beautiful. Yesterday morning it was all candyfloss mist and quiet. On the boating pond, it was like there was a fire – clouds rising up. On our pond, as always, gentler. Atmospheric. There were cormorants and some tiny ducks. There were jumping fish. There was a deep peace that comes with floating in cold water. Today, I got an email inviting me to go ice swimming in Helsinki this winter. I’ve never met its sender and it may be a shallow promise, but I’ve said yes just in case. Fuuuuuuucccckkk! Now THAT would be exciting.

I was treated the brashness of Jane, quietly brainy Mole, Corinna with her sparkly hats and warmth and lovely Mary, who you can set your clock by. And this morning, such simplicity. I changed outside, but I put most of my clothes in a bag and got mostly dressed inside. Today was hot in the day, but crisp in the morning. My nails went grey. I’m loving it more and more each day. There must be a defiance thing going on. The colder it gets, the more alive I feel.

Ha! The internet has died again. Maybe it’s saved me a whole half hour and given me extra extra sleep. Let’s say it has.

This meme rocked my world today. The soft, loving eyes of the animals. The fact that none of them are just kissing. They are, as someone put it, ‘face-raping each other’. It’s harsh, but I like it. Speaking of which, another comment gave me Louie C.K. Thanks for that. He is very harsh but pleasing. I like him very much. I have watched a lot of stuff online today.

And this picture pleased me very much. And then good things happened, more good things, and I had a lovely time, but in the lapse between internet going down and posting this tonight, I entirely lost my memory of what they were. Ah well. Lord knows they were goooood!